I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize