I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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