U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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