she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
