Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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