Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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