Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
