My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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