I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
