When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
