if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
