I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
