I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
