so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this will be a night to untag.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
