Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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