He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
