"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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