I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
