Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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