I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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