you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
