How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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