mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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