How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So. Much. Porn.
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