Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
