you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
only if we run a train.
done.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
