It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
