the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
