i think my mom watched the whole time
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
