i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
