I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
