I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
