so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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