I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
