the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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