if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
