Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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