I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
