I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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