FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
