we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
