mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
