you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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