I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize