You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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