She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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