I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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