Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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