it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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