I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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