He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
