Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
