"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
