True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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