Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
