So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
