You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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