Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
