Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
