Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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