So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
