He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
