dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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