dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
