Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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