This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
