Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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