between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
