Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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