he thought i was a dude.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
