I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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