he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You made out with two different species that night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
